December? Already?

I cannot believe it's December 7th. As I type this I am watching Reid run around the couch in his "super hero" shirt and cape. He is running across the finish line he made out of my nice christmas kitchen towels. Reid sings his super hero song that he made up- it goes "I super hero, i get the robot".

Tomorrow my dad is having surgery. He has fat tumors under his arm. This is the first major surgerh he has had. My mom is in Portland with him. I am staying home with Reid and Rudd; hoping the surgery goes well. If there are complications, they will send him to the VA hosptial in Seattle to do the surgery. It's just a wait and see kind of thing. The doctors are not sure what they will find when they "open him up". The tumors have come on fast and are very painful- which is not typical of fat tumors.

No. 7

Rudd and I celebrated our 7th anniversary on October 4. We went to a local Mexican Dinner in Raymond- it was yummy. We then went to Dairy Queen for some mini blizzards. It was a nice quiet evening. Reid was at home with my mom so it was just Rudd and I for a couple of hours. We put the phones in our pockets and reminiced our "life" together. I tried to remember our first official date but that was a little foggy. I am not sure a home made fajita dinner in Patty's apartment qualifies as a first date- but it sure is a good memory. I didn't even have the guts to invite him to dinner that night- Lisa called him and asked him over- it was an hour and a half drive from Umatilla to LaGrande and it was a Monday night- I never thought Rudd would be willing to come for dinner, but he did and the rest is history. We have had an exciting and busy and scary seven years together, but I still wake up everyday thankful that I married my best friend-really, we were good friends in high school. We never dated; flirted yes, but never dated- wait I take that back...I did take him to a Sadie's dance our senior year but it was strictly as "Friends" It was so cute because he really did not like me paying for things! Such a gentlemen!

Rudd and I have so much fun together and we have been through a lot together- I can't imagine life without him... here are my top ten memories of Rudd and I:
10)On weekends in LaGrande we would go "window shopping" for cars - I hate window shopping but what else is there to do in LaGrande?
9)Rudd and I took a theatre class together in college- we were supposed to go to a play and write a paper about it. I went to the play and wrote the paper, Rudd skipped the play and read my paper then wrote his own- he got a B!!! I think I did too! :(
8)Listening to Rudd read to Reid and sing him a made up version of "Hush Little Baby" that involves Harley's and monster trucks.
7)Rudd looking at me like I was crazy when I pulled into the trailer park in Raymond with my Bravada packed full to the brim. He looked at me with wide eyes and he asked "Where are we going to put all of this?" My reply: I don't care but if you want me to live in a fifth wheel indefinately then I need all of these things!
6)Escorting me to the trailer park shower every morning at 5am and standing outside the shower while I showered- all because the hot water heater in our 29ft fifth wheel was broken...did I mention I had to pay a quarter for every 15 minutes of hot water!
5)Finding a kitchen aide mixer in my car on my birthday!
4)Dancing the "sprinkler", "getting the mail" and "mowing the lawn" at the above mentioned Sadie's dance.
3)Going to a Cher concert with me and almost getting into a fight with a 60 year old man who wanted to "take him outside" The guy was NUTS!!!
2)Rudd driving in a windstorm to meet me halfway and follow me home- I called him crying and too afraid to drive home- he packed the chainsaw just incase he needed it and followed me home that night-
1)Making me laugh when it seems impossible to find something to laught or smile about
Happy #7 - Love you!

Just for the Record

I have to say that the question "When are you going to have another one?" really irritates me. It's not an easy thing for some people to "have another"!!! UGH.

Reid's first day of Pre School

Here are some pictures of Reid all dressed up for his first day of school. It's hard to believe how fast time flies! I thank God everyday that Rudd and I were blessed with this wonderful little man...he was definately worth the wait!




Reid is 2.5 years old...and two weeks ago was his first "official" day of pre-school. It's more like a "pre" pre-school. He goes two days a week for two hours a day. He gets snack, plays at centers, has story time and even gets to feed the two goldfish when he is "the special person of the day",...that day has not come for Reid yet, but boy is he ready- He CANNOT wait to feed those fish. On his second day of pre-school he made a flower (i thought it was a sun). It had cutouts of hands and a glittered gold center. When he showed it to me he said- "my hands mama". He also did a finger painting. He is in a group with the kids he goes to daycare with, Bubba, Shaelynn and Malia...they have been together from day one (almost) and the girl who was born at the same hospital as Reid- and just a day earlier than he was; Madeline, is also going. (Her mom and I were actually induced the same morning and were just a few doors away from each other on the labor/delivery floor.)

Father's Day

We celebrated Father's day with a trip to the Columbia River Maritime Museum. We looked at lots of pictures and models of boats, played in the cab of a tug boat and toured a retired coast guard boat. We finished the day with lunch at our favorite spot in Seaside, a little whole in the wall with the best seafood! Reid is lucky to have such a wonderful father!! We love you Rudd!

The BLUE BOX

For the past year I have been working on my National Board Teaching Certificate. When I first heard of the program I didn't think I had the guts or brains or confidence to do it. After a couple of years of thinking about it I decided to go for it! It was a lot of work but I knew that. I was able to break the program up into two parts. The first part was a Take One program, where I completed one of the 4 entries the first year, kind of like a test run to see if I could do it and to see if it was something I wanted to complete. I survived the first year and decided to finish it. So this year I worked on the other three entries and took my board test. So for the past year I have had the infamous blue box looming over my head. I spend at least an hour every night (and more hours on the weekend) working on the entries (they are 12 pages of written work each, student work samples, and videos of my teaching). I had to analzye, reflect, rationalize, describe, communicate, write goals, assess, provide discourse, faciliate learning, and lead, among other things. Once a month I met with my group to watch each other's reading and read each other's papers for four hours. It was A LOT OF WORK. March 31 was the deadline to mail the blue box- the box that all of my work is stuffed into in the end and shipped to Texas. My life for the past year (or two) was packaged neatly into different envelopes for different entries, including videos of myself teaching. I almost had a heart attack handing it over the the lady at Mail Boxe's Etc. I asked her if she knew of the "blue box" thinking anyone in the mailing industry has seen at least one before, but she said no. I almost took it back and went somewhere else, somewhere where the clerk would understand why I was so nervous I was shaking, sweating, and giddy. But I didn't, I explained that my whole life was packed in the blue box and that I wanted it postmarked THAT DAY. It took a while to explain that it didn't matter when it got to Texas, as long as it was post marked TODAY. I remember sitting in the parking lot talking to a friend who had done the exact same thing a year ago. I told her I was too afraid to hand it over...what if I didn't proof read my entries enough, what if I didn't have the right headings, what if? what if? She calmed me down and I let go. I received a letter saying they got the box and that everything was in the envolopes (I would hope so because I spent 2 hours double checking, photocopying and tripple checking before I sealed each envelope. I won't find out if I passed until December. All of this (the writing and videotaping) is worth 60% of my overall score.
The other 40% comes from the "TEST". Oh I forgot to mention, I decided to get my Certificate in Math, I must be crazy, because the test was similar to a PRAXIS test, I was tested on Algebra, Number Sense, Geometry, Connections, Technology, and Data and Statistics. So this month I took my National Board Certification Test in math. I went to Renton with my friend Lindsey who was 37 weeks pregnant at the time...as I type this she is on maternity leave. I couldn't sleep the night before and we had to get up early to eat breakfast and get to the "testing" site. For those of you who know me, I am a nervous wreck when it comes to any kind of test. I get kind of gasy (to be very honest- sorry TMI i know!!!) and I get "ticks" I kept coughing and clearing my throat, even though I didn't have to talk during the test or anything. My palms were sweaty before I even checked in! When I went to get my number, i was right behind Lindsey, she grabbed #12, guess what number was next...13 you might say! Wrong! It was 12b, because apparently 13 is unlucky so they don't put it in the mix. I wouldn't have thought anything of it until I saw 12b. To me 12b and 13 are the same...give me the real 13 people!!! Right before the test, I took a picture of myself to document this trial in my life. This lady in there actually says to me "Oh my gosh, you are NOT going to post that to your facebook are you??? You're not one of those people!" I got really embarassed and turned bright red and said "I just want to record this moment in my life". Needless to say I didn't post it on facebook but I am posting it here, along with a picture of myself with the blue box.
It is so nice to be finished (for now) with my National Board work. I have to remind myself that I am finished (for now) and that I actually have time to read a book at night, or organize my pantry. Before I couldn't do those things without feeling guilty for not working on my entries.
I look forward to a summer without worries about my entries!!!

Finally!!! A moment to BREATHE

The last few months have been so hectic, I felt like I couldn't catch my breath. Somehow April and May came and went. A lot has gone on lately and my laptop's battery lasts for minutes so I can't blog in bed anymore :( that seems to be the only down time I get.
I am happy to report my mom is recovering; slowly but surely she is getting better. She had a minor setback and was in the hospital but is home now and is on the mend. I cannnot wait for school to get out so we can head to Umatilla to spend some time with her. Luckily she can talk to Reid on the phone everyday otherwise it would be unbearable for her to go so long without seeing him.
I just finished a wonderful book- The Last Summer (Of you and me) and have started Jodi Picolt's "Change of Heart". I am seriously thinking about buying an IPAD so I can download books and read them electronically, I am tired of the clutter of all of my books laying around the house. I am so happy to have the time to read again.
I have totally slacked on my weight- haven't lost anything in a few months, but I know I am human and I just need to get back on track...hopefully soon. I have gotten on the elicptical three times this week, so it's a start.
I am glad that all my favorite tv shows are over for the season, I spend too much time watching TV- not really, but if feels that way. I only followed three shows- Greys Anatomy, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers and Sisters.
We have a new backyard!!! Rudd and I have been working hard to get our back yard in shape for the big guy (Reid), now we just need it to stop raining so we can play outside.
Did I mention I can't wait for school to get out??? Two and a half weeks left!
I didn't mean for this to be so random...oh well.
I will post pics of the new yard soon.

I turned 30 and survived!!!

My 30th birthday was a month ago...I was anxious about turning 30- 30 seemed old and I wasn't sure where the years have gone, but I am happy to report that I am 30 and lovin it!!! When I came to terms with turning 30 I wanted to do it up big. I'll have to say that I will NEVER forget my 30th birthday. The weekend before my actual birthday Rudd and I went to Las Vegas for a weekend. We were so excited to get out of town- the last time we went on a vacation together was our honeymoon in Seattle. I was ready to go to Vegas and forget about everything- inlcuding my mom's upcoming open heart surgery. WE HAD A BLAST. I have never had so much fun in my entire life. We saw a Cirque De Sole show, gambled a bit, visited ALL the hotels, shopped, and ate lots of good food and had some "yummy" drinks.

The day of my birthday was spent in the hospital with my mom, Reid, and Rudd. Despite my mom's upcoming surgery and other illnesses, she got me a cake and we had a mini party in her hospital room. Later my dad and brother took us out to dinner at Red Robin. I opted out of the whole birthday song thingy, but ordered a mountain high mud pie for everyone to share. I spent my birthday with the most special people in the world....It couldn't have been more perfect - well Ok, it might have been just a bit better if my mom wasn't in the hospital!

March 1

March 1st is the date for my mom's triple by-pass surgery. I am scared, so is she. We have gone over "things"; like where she wants to be baried, who she wants to read at her funeral, what type of funeral she wants, and what she wants to give to people. We went over her living will, what she wants and doesn't want if things don't go "perfectly". What is unsettling is that I have things that I want to tell her, but I don't want it to sound like goodbye. If she doesn't pull through this surgery I don't want there to be things left unsaid. But how do I go about saying them without sounding negative? I don't want my mom, for one second, to think that I don't believe she will come through the surgery. It's there though, the thought that she might not make it. It's there in the silence, when our eyes meet and the room gets quiet, when we smile at each other afraid to say it out loud. I know she is scared, scared s**tless as she puts it. I don't know how to calm her fears, I don't know what to say, so I just kiss her forehead and tell her I love her. The idea of losing my mom is not a new feeling. I have faced this at least twice in my life already, and it is the worst feeling in the world. This time we are "prepared" whatever that means. We know that the surgery is risky for a healthy person, let alone someone with diabetes and kidney failure. I am trying very hard to stay positive, but at the same time, I do not want to be naive. I have said this before and I'll say it again, I am not ready to lose my mom.

The Hitts Keep Comin

Right now I am in a hospital room with my mom, sitting in one of those chairs that turns into a bed, but does not really make a good chair. This is my second full day sitting in the room. My mom is waiting for a triple bypass surgery. Last Tuesday we discovered that she has three blocked arteries in her heart that can only be "fixed" by open heart surgery. Friday she was admited to the hospital because she had chest pains. While in the hospital she has developed fluid in the lungs and a bladder infection. This caused the surgery to be postponed until Friday. Yesterday one of her 5 doctors discovered that her thyroid is WAY too high, like 30 times higher than it shold be. This can cause more complications after the triple bypass surgery so the drs are trying to decide if they should postpone the surgery even more. It is frustrating sitting here waiting- the doctors come when they have time- so if I grab lunch, I risk missing the doctors... UGH! I heard this song by JoDee Macina on the radio the other day and instantly thought of my mom. No matter what the day brings, she is ready to take it on, even if it means having open heart surgery!

Reid Update

Reid is 22 months! YIKES. I can't believe how fast time flies. His vocabulary is exploding, he is throwing fits- can you say "Hello Terrible Twos!", and he is in a big boy bed- which he loves. I have never seen him so excited to go "night night". I am having difficulty uploading pics, i'll post some later - hopefully. It is 10:00pm and way past my bedtime, so "Night Night!" :)

Not a match

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the possibility of donating a kidney to my mom. I found out last week that I am not a match. I was kind of relieved, but also sad at the same time. I knew that if I was a match I would donate a kidney for her...I thought about the what if's and the maybe's but what really matters is the here and now. And right now I need my mom and Reid need's his grammie. Before I left the doctors appointment to head back to Raymond, my mom hugged me tight and said "I am glad you are not a match." In that single thought I felt the deepest love and connection with my mom- it was pure unconditional love. Here is my mom, blind, on dialysis spending 4+ hours evey Monday Wednesday and Friday hooked up to a machine, telling me she was happy that I was not a match because she didn't want me to go through everything. (I think deep down she was happy because she didn't want a kidney donation on my part to affect my chances of having another baby)- I am sure she felt obligated to say that, what else do you say when one of the two best candidates is not a match. But when I looked in her eyes I knew she was telling me the truth.
Right now, she is not dying from Kidney failure. She is doing very well on dialysis. There is no way to tell how long dialysis will work for her. She is being cleared medically for a transplant and will be put on the national transplant list soon (I hope). It can take more than 2 years to get a transplant, but even then, it seems like the stars have to be aligned just right (even if you are at the top of the list).
I keep thinking to myself, LIFE IS NOT FAIR- I want my mom healthy and happy, and I want her to be around for a LONG LONG LONG TIME. But if my mom taught me one thing, it was that life is not fair, we deal with life as it comes and we have to move forward. She has been through so much in her life- even before going blind and starting dialysis. She has experienced so much "unfairness" but still has the ability to smile - most of the time- and that is what I am trying to do. I smile a lot and cry a little. Sometimes my mom and I will cry together! :)

PS: My brother Andrew is going to be tested to see if he is a match. The doctor said the paired donation (where someone would donate a kidney to someone else and that person had someone willing to donate to my mom because they were a match) is very difficult to coordinate because it can be difficult to find a match, but it is still in my mind as an option and if all else fails and my mom does not find a match, I am going to look into the idea of paired donation.