Thanks*Giving

This morning, I got up around 6:30 to the sound of my father puttering around upstairs and Reid talking to himself in his sleep. We rolled out of bed and headed upstairs for some much needed coffee. Around 8:00, I remembered that there was a Thanksgiving Mass at 8:30 that my mom and I wanted to go to with Reid. We got dressed and were there on time! It was a nice mass, Father Kech talked about "Thanks" Giving, and remined us that we need to give thanks for what we have and for what others do for us. He also reminded us not to get hung up on the negative, which is something I have been doing a lot lately.

My mom for example, I get angry that she is going through dialysis, is blind and has had a stroke and heart attack.... I hate that she can't visit for more than a weekend because she has to be home for dialysis. I was reminded today that I should be thankful that she is here and not dwell on the other stuff, and most days I am able to that, but there are other days where it weighs heavily on my mind.

Tuesday I went to Legacy Good Samaratin Hospital with my parents to meet with a team for the Organ Transplant Team and I took the first step in seeing if I am a match for a kidney for my mom who is in renal failure. I have been struggling with the decision to be a live donor or not, to give a kidney to my mom without worrying about the future or the what if's. I worry that diabetes is hereditary, and what if down the road I get diabetes and my only kidney shuts down, then what? What if Reid get's diabetes and he needs a Kideny? How do you choose between your mom and your child? Why do I have to choose??? Is it really a choice?

At the meeting, I learned some very interesting information. A live donation (an organ from a living person as opposed to a deceased person) is better for a few reasons:
1) the kidney last twice as long
2) my parents could schedule the transplant and not wait around for a phone call saying they have found a donor
3) the donor (if they are living) usually lives longer than people who don't donate (because they have been examined top to bottom and bottom to top- and have been deamed "healthy")
4)if my mom receives a kidney from a live donor, then it lets a kidney from a deceased donor go to someone who does not have anyone to donate.
5) My mom could have a kidney transplant in less than a year!!!

I also learned that if I am a match and I donate a kidney and need a kidney in the future, I would move to the top of the transplant list because I was a donor. I also learned that a freak accident that injured my one kidney could be fatal...again with the "what if's". The recovery time for kidney donation is 6-8 weeks (or longer) because it is a MAJOR abdominal surgery. How will this affect the possibility of getting pregnant again? Who will take care of Reid while I am recovering and Rudd is at work?

The team also mentioned a paired donation, which would allow me to donate a kidney to someone if I am not a match for my mom, and then someone would donate a kidney to my mom. More food for thought on that topic!!!

The next step for my mom is to meet with more doctors in a month. They will go over her medical records and identify her blood type to find a match. If her and i are match, I'll under go more tests to see how good of a match I really am.

The next step for me (and my family- because I understand that this decision will impact Rudd and Reid too) is to do some major soul searching, have lengthy discussions with Rudd and find out if I am a match for my mom...

Thankfull, MOST of the transplant will be paid for through my parent's insurance, including the donor's medical bills- everything except the donors time off of work. That was a huge relief! Knowing my parents would not be stuck with thousands of dollars of medical bills! There will be lots of post transplant medications my mom will have to be on for the rest of her life that can be pretty expensive though.

But today, I am trying not to worry about the what if's or the struggles my family has been through. Today I am Thankful that Reid get's to spend another ThanksGiving with his Grammie and Papa, I am thankful that I get to spend another ThanksGiving with my parents, Rudd and Reid. I am even thankful for my father looking over my shoulder as I salt and pepper the turkey, stuff the turkey, and baste the turkey. I am Thankful that Chelsea (Reid's cousing) came to spend ThanksGiving with us! I have a lot to be thankful for!

Happy Thanks Giving!

Weight (OFF)

I have been "weighing" the idea of this post. It's kind of embarassing, but at the same time it is something I never thought I could do, something I am very proud of myself for doing, and I want to shout it out! So here goes my shouting!

As you know, I am on my way to my THIRTIES (whoohoo!- it's coming whether or not I like it so I better embrace it!) and I have vowed to myself, Rudd and Reid that I will embrace my THIRTIES feeling better, looking better, and living better.
It's no secret that I have always struggled with my weight, ALWAYS. I know I would never be the 100 pounds that my college doctor told me I needed to be (according to the BMI charts, a person who is 5'2 like myself should weigh around 100 pounds-Yea Right!)
Well, I hit ROCK BOTTOM last April. I went to the doctor because my back was hurting so BAD that I couldn't walk upright and I couldn't pick up my one year old. I paid my $20 copay and the doctor examined my back, and said "You're over weight, that's why your back hurts". I thought to myself (and fought back the urge to say this outloud) NO S@#T Sherlock!- I paid you $20 bucks to have you tell me something I already know? So I hobbled out of the doctor's office fighting back the tears of pain- physical and emotional. I spent the next week or so making excuses and feeling sorry for myself. I hated being the "fatest" person at my staff meetings, having my pants fit too tight, getting winded going up stairs, being grumpy because I hated the way I looked, the list goes on and on.
After all of the self pity, soul searching and doubt, I FINALLY decided to do something. I am almost embarassed to say this, but I joined Weight Watchers!
I don't know if I have EVER been this honest about my weight, it's something I have been SO EMBARASSED ABOUT AND ASHAMED OF.
Get ready for it, here are my starting stats:
I started out at 206 pounds (that was a year after I had Reid) and I was "squeezing" into a size l6 pant and extra large shirt.
My goal is to loose 50 pounds (that put's me in the "overweight, but not obese" box on the BMI chart), and I wanted to do it right, losing a pound a week. I heard that is the best way to lose weight and not gain it back- and believe me, I do not want to gain this back.
Let me repeat that, 50 pounds, and I wanted to do it before I turn 30. At first it seemed like such a long shot, 50 pounds is a lot and February is less than 50 weeks away,(almost) impossible, but I dove in and am giving it my best shot(still).
Here are my current stats (and let me say I have worked so hard to get here and sometimes I can't believe how far I have come) I don't mean to brag or sound conceded, but this has been a huge deal for me.
Ok, back to my current stats: I weigh 176, that means I have lost 30 pounds! I know, it took me a long time to lose 30 pounds, but I did lose the weight. I know I have a long ways to go, but losing that 30 pounds gets me through the day and on the way to losing the next 20 pounds.
I am wearing a size 14 pants, pretty dang close to a size 12 (as I type this I am wearing Calvin Klein Jeants!!!-I havent' been able to fit into CK jeans in a long time- if ever!) and am wearing a size L sweater/shirt- not sure if i'll get to a smaller shirt because of the "girls" but I won't complain!
This has been by far the hardest thing I have ever done. I watch what I eat, check portions, gave up Coke- I do have Diet Coke once in a while, and I exercise-I get on the eliptical 3-4 times a week for 20-25 minutes. I am far from perfect, I have off days, I have had a coke here or there, even a burger once or twice, had weeks where I didn't lose any weight, but I am still hanging in there and I haven't given up! I think that is what makes me so happy, the fact that I DID it, that I hung in there, toughed it out, and changed my life for the better. I am excited to be a healthy mom for Reid, I am excited to know that I have decreased my risk for heart disease, diabetes and other health risks of being overweight. I feel good because I am doing something I never thought I could do, I am healthier than I have been in a long time, and I feel good about myself for the first time in a long time.

And let me tell you, if I ever have to go to the doctor again for severe back pain, I don't want him to be able to blame it on my being "fat". I think-no, I know, I am getting there.

As I type this, I am questioning myself about being so excited. It's kind of embarassing to tell people that I've lost 30 pounds because if you look at me it is obvious I could stand to lose a lot more. I guess it boils down to the fact that I know where I started, and I know how far I have come.

**I amworking on posting some pictures of before and now(a work in progress)- so stay tuned.